Season 5 Episode 12 – May the Best Stan Win
Stan gives Francine "love coupons" for Valentine's Day, but refuses to honor them once he becomes preoccupied with his very own CIA cyborg. Meanwhile, Roger helps Steve and his friends remake The Goonies.
Roger reveals that he played on the gold-medal-winning 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team as a steroid-abuser. Stan is able to convince Roger to return his Olympic gold medal, but Roger has a difficult time dealing with the loss. Meanwhile, Hayley reevaluates her relationship status with Reginald the Koala.
Stan gives Francine "love coupons" for Valentine's Day, but refuses to honor them once he becomes preoccupied with his very own CIA cyborg. Meanwhile, Roger helps Steve and his friends remake The Goonies.
Stan puts down liberal social programs because he thinks they are a waste of money and gives Francine a hard time for lending a helping hand at the local homeless shelter. When Stan develops a nasty addiction and needs help, he suddenly has a change of heart.
When Stan gets told by Francine to get rid of his gas-guzzling SUV, he and Roger hatch up a plan at the local horse track to avoid losing his car. When Stan gives manual sex to the horse (even though Roger was joking), the horse becomes traumatized so they switch minds with Stan and the horse. Meanwhile, Steve and his friends help an old friend who has become an overweight shut-in, Mr. Tuttle. Snot is volunteered to retrieve Mr. Tuttle's wallet from his back pocket, but becomes trapped under him. Steve uses Stan (whose body still has the horse's mind) to lift Mr. Tuttle and free Snot.
The Rapture happens on Christmas Eve, and Stan is left behind...
When Stan's business goes south, he finds himself dancing for cash.
After attending a concert with Hayley, Stan becomes obsessed with her music.
Upset that Francine has let herself go, Stan takes drastic measures when she asks him to renew their wedding vows.
Steve must become the man of the house when Stan re-lives his childhood.